Back to Life
Back to Life
written by dornish queen
Characters: left ambiguous
DO NOT READ UNTIL YOU HAVE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS; IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO ANYTHING IN THE WARNINGS, I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ
Trigger Warnings: implied attempted suicide, reference to psychiatric facilities, self-inflicted injury, depression, suicide ideation, unprotected sexual intercourse (please practice safer sex; use a condom)
Notes: No character models were used; no celebrity featured. I was going to write in Pedro as the boyfriend, but with the topic being dark, I didn’t want to associate this with anyone specific. So, characters are ambiguous.
The mornings are when it hits you the hardest. Your eyes open and the realization sets in that you have to endure another long day. Eyes screwed shut again as you feel that sinking stab in your heart, ever present.
The morning cool air prickling against your skin, as you roll onto your side. When did you change into your sleep shirt? You think to yourself. And then you remember. Stroking down the length of your arm and you feel it on your left wrist, the bandage still there now throbbing pain radiating toward your palm.
Images flood your mind from the night before when you were put in psychiatric hold. There is a shame at being put in a place like that, but there was also a comfort with being around individuals that understood you. Being understood, when you don’t even understand.
Tears form little lakes in your eyes. And it won’t stop now. The pull of sleep beckons you and you welcome it, just to ease the moment. To sleep. Not dream. Not feel. To wake up and live again. Or better yet, to not and just be at peace.
An arm wraps around your waist and pulls you into his chest.
-When did you get here, my Love? -
You thought to yourself as you breathed into his chest, feeling his heart beat against your ear. He had been with you the whole night, just to be here when you would wake. How could you feel so dead inside while he felt so alive pressed against you?
His eyes search your face and you know what he’s looking for. That spark that’s never present on days like this.
You feel his lips hot against your neck, but oh so gentle. The strands of his hair felt soft as you weaved your fingers through them. His lips touched yours oh so gently.
“Come back to me, baby.” He breathed into your kiss deeply and then you feel it. The need that pierces your chest. It’s the pain that lets you know that your soul is healing.
You reach down and feel him alive and pulsing against your thigh, but he doesn’t move. He holds you against him, his hands caressing your face. So beautiful to him. He helps you out of the remainder of your clothing. But you no longer feel the need for it. Feel the need to cover your shame. Not with him here.
You feel his weight on top of you, but unlike the weight of the world, you feel safe. He covers your body with his like a shield, as you trace your hands down his back, rounding toward him throbbing at your entrance, waiting patiently.
His hands cradled your head as his lips moved across your neck, that morning stubble that you love so much, hits a spot beneath your ear that makes you moan.
“Take me home.” You whisper into his ear. A pause and he searches your face, your eyes connecting. Your hands line him up to your opening, legs hitch up higher in acceptance. “I want to come home.”
Instantly, his mouth covers yours, tongues dancing against each other deeply, as you feel of his body surge forward. The familiar pinch of him burying himself into your sacred place. He stills when he is fully inside you. A feeling of relief washes over you. A momentary respite. But for now, you are one with him and you feel complete.
Clinging onto him tightly, you feel the small rotation of his hip against yours, oh so slowly pressing into your core.
Your feelings begin to stir at the rhythm of his hips. The pain in your heart dissipating with each little movement of him against you.
-Come back to me, baby. -
His voice repeats over and over in your head. Like a soothing voice you heard when you were lost as a child.
He pulls out and thrusts back into you deep and firm. “Come Back.”
Again, and again.
“Come back.” Your eyes flutter open, meeting with his and he sees it. Your spark had ignited ever so slightly. You felt the flurry of his kisses all over your face and neck. His paper-thin smile hiding that small tremble in his lip.
Your hands reach for both sides of his face, fingers making its way through his hair.
“I’m here.” Your voice barely audible, muted by his moans as he plunges deep into you again and again.
You attempt to raise yourself and he helps to pull you upright against his chest. Arms roaming all over your back as you wrap yours around his neck. His face buried between your breasts, as he continued to drive upward into you.
“Oh my God.” You began to moan loudly, his grunts echoing yours like a harmony of the most beautiful sexual song.
Finally, you begin to move with him. Falling onto every inch of his being as he pierces the heart of you.
You are one.
You feel alive again as you move faster and faster into each other. You feel the pinch of his lips on your nipple and your core bursts and feel it radiate up your spine. He feels your orgasm wash over him, and begins thrusting faster until you feel him spill into you, filling you, making you complete.
Time stills and there is just this moment.
You are one.
********
You feel yourself being lifted and slowly submerged in the warmest lavender scented water, gentle hands gliding over your body. He is there with you as you lean against him as he washes your hair. You feel your energy level start to come back to you and try to bathe yourself.
“Let me take care of you, Sweetheart.” He kisses your neck and continues to wash you.
A wave of emotion hits you, “I don’t want to be like this.”
“Shhhhh.” He always knows when you’re about to break down. “It won’t be like this forever.”
You allow yourself to believe his words. Look towards to a future with a little bit of hope. He’s offering that light to you, and you take it, if only for a moment.
“Do you think you’ll be able to eat a little bit for me, if I make you something?” His voice soft as he lifts you out of the tub and begins to dry you. You nod your head, leaning against him, a towel wrapping around you.
“I can do that.”